fess up friday

the “i hate this part” edition

usually when i get to some sort of ending in my writing i stall. i hesitate. i am loathe to move forward. today i remember why. i hate this part. arthur flowers says “i love being a writer, i just hate the damn paperwork”. geez, i am soooo there. i am here at this new chapter feeling anxious, uncertain and downright grumpy. i want to skip this section. to get to the part where the words will make their own logic, but i have been doing this long enough to know that this is the crucial stage–getting the architecture right, the underpinnings. i can always write pretty words, but it is this work that is crucial. this is the part that gives the work weight, history. that transforms characters on the page to people who live outside of this computer. so i show up. and i sit. i stare out of the window and make people think i’m crazy. i feel on the verge of tears. i want to stay at home in bed from the bigness of it. i forget to eat. i get very concerned about cleaning out my closet or organizing my bookshelf. then i breathe. and i keep asking what if, what if, what if until the answers emerge. i pace. drink wine and eat chocolate at night. but if i sit through it, if i show up enough, suddenly it will make sense. just not today.

saturday 7/5
0 hours–essence festival

sunday 7/6
0 hours–essence festival

monday 7/7
3 hours

tuesday 7/8
4 hours

wednesday 7/9
5 hours

thursday 7/10
3 hours

friday 7/11
3 hours

this week: 18 hours
total to date: 172.5

4 Comments

Filed under writing life

4 responses to “fess up friday

  1. Carleen Brice

    Love the idea of “fess up fridays”!

    Doing the “end work” is hardest for me too. I think because it never seems done, so it’s very overwhelming. The 1st draft is so clearly a 1st draft, but the last draft? Not so clear.

    If it’s any consolation, I’m right there crying and eating and drinking with you as I’m on the last final touches of my work too.

  2. Carleen Brice

    Love the idea of “fess up fridays”!

    Doing the “end work” is hardest for me too. I think because it never seems done, so it’s very overwhelming. The 1st draft is so clearly a 1st draft, but the last draft? Not so clear.

    If it’s any consolation, I’m right there crying and eating and drinking with you as I’m on the last final touches of my work too.

  3. Jamey

    hey carleen! thanks for popping you head in from your much deserved break. i am so proud of you. marching on through the next project. onward, girl. onward@

  4. Jamey

    hey carleen! thanks for popping you head in from your much deserved break. i am so proud of you. marching on through the next project. onward, girl. onward@

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