43/32 the once again, you have everything you need edition
To be an artist means never to avert your eyes. ~Akira Kurosawa
she keeps writing and writing and writing. as i keep racking up days on my writing challenge, it is hard for me not to see the increasing numerator as a failure instead of an accomplishment. i’ve been revising on this chapter every day this year. on day 32 i thought i was thisclose to finishing this section. 11 days later and there is still so much work to do! i have been antsy for the past few days and instead of being completely present in the work i found myself judging my speed, my process, my progress. just generally distracted. on twitter, my fellow writer randa jarrar (our fiction appeared in the oxford american’s race issue together) hipped me to macfreedom, a utility program that disables the internet for a prescribed amount of time. as my patience and focus dwindled i decided to give it a try. using macfreedom for the past two days showed me how i had been using the internet to “avert my eyes”. what i needed to do is remain focused. then (and only then) the work would speak. when i can remain focused, push down the fear, the voices that tell me that i’m not good enough, the work isn’t good enough or that i’m just plain wrong, i am rewarded beyond my imagination. what i keep forgetting is that the frustration is part of the process. and just on the other side of a breakdown is a breakthrough.