Tag Archives: fess up friday

fess up friday…

staring out the window edition…

much of my “writing” gets done staring out of the window. i also rock back and forth in my chair, mumble. i hate it, not only because it makes me look like a crazy (ier) person, but because it doesn’t feel like writing. thank goodness i understand that this is just as important as the words. in this space is where the big themes bounce around in my head. sometimes it feels like an idea map, just not written down. i intend to make work with layers and layers of meaning so i need time to just work on architecture. i don’t feel safe here. there is no map, i must make the map. this is where my “who does she think she is” voice rises up in me and literally i feel like i’m choking. it makes perfect sense that my throat chakra would get all out of wack. it is where i have to admit that i’m writing about love and history and “big” stuff. i don’t have a trick for this part. when i’m clocking pages, i tell myself that i’m just the secretary. but this plotting, underpinning mapping space it is a murky place and i always worry that i will never find my way to the “safer” place of pages and wordcounts. but i always do.

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fess up friday…

the in just under the wire edition…

so, happy new year? has everyone else had an insane start to the 009? whew. not a moment to catch my breath. so much has happened, is happening. i’m just kinda worn out, but didn’t want to let the month pass without checking-in. this month didn’t go as expected at all. i had some delicious surprises, some perplexing situations and much more. i’m out of words at the moment, but i am working, writing and finding new ways to love.

laters,

j

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fess up friday…

the what have you done for me lately edition

i can have a major problem with what i like to call the janet jackson complex, as in “what have you done for me lately?” when it comes to myself. i am much more likely to zone in on what i have yet to accomplish, what remains undone than celebrate my wins. i am the head cheerleader and champion for my friends, but when it comes to my own accomplishments, not so much.

often such a “win” goes uncelebrated or barely acknowledged, but luckily i have GREAT friends who don’t allow me to play small. friends who catch me when i am playing small and use the appropriate amount of force to correct my attitude. so instead of complaining that i’m still not finished with this section, that i still haven’t been properly recording my hours, that it is not going FAST enough, that i’ve been worried about the relevance of the whole novel (will anybody even care?), i will celebrate a win. (did you notice how i still got to complain about those things? slick, i tell you).

but anyhoo, this year i set a goal to submit work at least 12 times this year. this goal would be more submissions than I have made in the oh, decade or so since i started writing. but yesterday, a month BEFORE deadline i’ve submitted to 13 places with another on my desk to mail out tomorrow. i have been terribly slack about submitting my work, but i wanted to show the universe that i was fully participating in co-creating my success as a writer. so i committed to play the literary lotto at least 12 times this year. and i did it. now, i haven’t gotten a single acceptance yet, but that really doesn’t bother me. i’m proud i did it. yay me!

now, if i could just finish this novel quicker. ;o) just kidding…kinda…

onward!

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fess up friday

the self-care edition…

so, i haven’t done a very good job of logging my time for the past few weeks. i made it to the writing table several times this week, but the progress is more of a getting reacquainted with the work. today i had been at the writing table for a couple of hours and started to feel quite unwell. it came over me all of a sudden and i couldn’t concentrate. i had to leave. on my way home i realized that it was now past three o’clock and all i’d consumed today was a starbucks white chocolate mocha, a mini vanilla scone (which was delicious) and an iced tea! not one drop of water. and no food! no wonder my body shut down. although i’m not generally a napper, i came home and had some soup and went to bed. i guess that’s exactly what my body needed. and my novel probably needed it, too.

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fess up friday

the gustav edition

hey party people! your girl is still here in memphis, just as tired as tired can be but trying to make the most of this evacuation thing. my person in the field said my house is fine (other than some foul business in the freezer). my crew from nola (specifically kem) coined the term the new evacuee. being a new evacuee involved massages and body treatments, lots of wine (did i say lots of wine) and shopping. the following is the two-week roundup of the business:

saturday, august 23
3 hours? i didn’t record this but suspect that i worked since i took off the next day…

sunday, august 24
0 hours for rain

monday, august 25
3.5 hours

tuesday, august 26
3.5 hours

wednesday, august 27
3 hours

thursday, august 28
0 hours (packing to evacuate for gustav)

friday, august 29
0 hours (getting ready for gustav)

saturday, august 30
0 hours

sunday, august 31
0 hours (but visit with frank d @ his studio)

monday, september 1
0 hours (evacuee cipher with my people. there was poetry, part of my novel, music, reflections and people poll questions. and wine. lots & lots of wine.)

tuesday, september 2
7 hours (granted mostly distracted due to general stress and visit from ghost of relationship past)

wednesday, september 3
7.5 hours (somehow, miraculously pieced together the scenes for this next chunk of the story.)

thursday, september 4
0 hours

friday, september 5
3.5 hours (so very, very tired)

total this week: 31 hours
total to date: 332 hours

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fess up friday

the what is it i’m writing again edition…

so, sometimes you sink so deep into noveling you’re not sure what is going on. there comes a point in time where you must be at the same time completely entrenched into the very specific minutiae of the book, but also at the same time keep your eye trained all the way out to the end. i imagine it is what it must be like to be a long distance swimmer in open water. part of you must be intensely focused on your breathing, the movement of your limbs, but also on the opposite shore. you must constantly check to make sure that you are on course to your target. so as i pause to check my bearings, here is the business for the week:

saturday, august 16
4.5 hours

sunday, august 17
3 hours

monday, august 18
4 hours

tuesday, august 19
2 hours

wednesday, august 20
4 hours

thursday, august 21
4 hours

friday, august 22
2.5 hours

total this week: 24 hours
total to date: 301 hours

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fess up friday

the writing is a process edition…

so. i think i’m finally learning what a writing process truly is. for the longest time i thought when people said a “writing process” they meant the actual tasks of the thing as in i write my first drafts longhand in college ruled composition notebooks in .5 mechanical pencil. i type those pages up and edit them in red pen. i draw charts and graphs. i use scivener to outline. i do character sketches after the first draft. at some point there is no longer a “draft” but something more akin to quilt pieces, pieces of story that i pull from to make a whole. i have certain music to write to. i like to write in the same place. i don’t write after dark.

but what i am discovering is that there is also a process to the emotion of writing. different stages make me feel a different way. i feel anxious and hesitant when i am about to come to an ending, be it chapter or draft. there is a completely different type of anxiety at the beginning of a thing. there is the cloudy haze that i walk through when i am piecing things together, when i know that the meaning is close, but slippery and difficult to catch. there is the delicious euphoria when things catch aholt that feels like it will overwhelm me. that some of the best parts of this process don’t feel that way.

enough of the touchy-feely. on to the business for the week:

saturday, august 9
0 hours writing (but hours doing project work for $)

sunday, august 10
4.5 hours

monday, august 11
5 hours

tuesday, august 12
3 hours

wednesday, august 13
4.5 hours

thursday, august 14
3 hours

friday, august 15
4 hours

total this week: 24 hours
total to date: 277

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